Archive for December, 2007

Just the General Update

So I realized I hadn’t written a blog in about three months. Jesus! My apologies for the surprise hiatus.

 So Ari is… huge. She’s grown over six inches in three months! (What the hell do they put in Similac anyway?) She’s so much more interactive, too. At first she was just in sleep, poop, eat mode, which was pretty boring, but now she can do all this other stuff. She’s smiling ALL the time, at pretty much everybody except my stepmother, who she won’t even look at… to be honest, I didn’t feel too bad about that. She’s started laughing a little, although the only “real” laugh (like a ha-ha-ha laugh) she’s done was when my mom accidentally tickled her. We’ve all been tickling her like crazy ever since, trying to find the goddamned spot and have been unsuccessful. She’s also started talking and verbalizing a lot, which is so cool. You can definitely tell she’s a girl, she’s always babbling. It’s so cute… she’ll just be staring you in the eyes, carrying on and on for like ten minutes. I can’t wait until she can speak actual words and sentences. She’s also started trying to stand up – she can put all her weight on her legs, but she needs some help to balance. A couple of times she’s been able to stand still for a few seconds on her own, leaning on something. Her cradle cap is finally gone (thank god!), and her hair is so soft and pretty. She looks so cute with a little faux-hawk… I can’t wait until her hair is a little longer so she can have a more respectable one. What else… I’m going to try to start transitioning her to sleeping in her crib over the next couple of weeks. I want my bed back! I’m kind of torn… I like the closeness of sleeping with her, but then we wake each other up, and I want to be able to spread out in my bed and take up the entire thing. I’m also scared to sleep on my  stomach when she’s in bed because I’m worried I’ll roll over on her. So I think I’m going to go ahead and have her start using her crib, which until now has been toy storage.

So school’s not going so great… it was a bad idea to be taking classes and getting adjusted to motherhood simultaneously. But, now that Ari’s settling into a schedule, hopefully I can get into more of a schedule as well so I can do better with schoolwork next semester. My mom was talking about me switching to some kind of a nine-month program that would certify me for something, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I wouldn’t be able to support myself and my daughter and pay all the bills and everything with one of those jobs, and if I can’t move out and support us myself, then what’s even the point??? So I’m going to keep trying to get my teaching certification. $2500 a month isn’t terrific, but I could at least keep a roof over our heads on my own, and with that job, I wouldn’t have to put her in day-care or anything, since we’d have the same hours and vacation days. Maybe someday when she’s old enough that she can be at home alone, I could go ahead and get my master’s and teach at a community college or something, which would be a considerable pay increase, and a much more enjoyable job. Public schools just have so many restrictions now… you’re teaching a freaking test and outside of the material covered by that test, nothing you have to say is considered relevant, so you’re not supposed to teach it. For example, the history test doesn’t cover government, or anything from the World Wars onward, so that’s not in the curriculum. Say I: How the hell are you going to teach a United States History class in which FDR isn’t even mentioned??? Half the kids my age don’t even know what the Cold War was. Ugh. Thank you, George Bush.


Anyway, enough of political talk. Don’t want to get into that rant. In other news, Heather’s gone off to Illinois… What the fuck is in Illinois??? Come back, we miss you! She’s gone and left me all alone in Ranch Country. What else has been going on… I’m now 21. My birthday was a blast. I went with a couple of people to go have margaritas, and then we went to a hookah bar to hang out. The hookah bar was awesome; it was live music night, and it was this Middle Eastern electronic pop music. It was definitely different. A guy got up and started bellydancing. Crazy! I’ve never seen a guy bellydance, but it was kind of hot. *lol* I can’t wait to go back! Now I just have to get some people together and drag them out to Richmond.

What else? Back near the end of September, I started having these horrible pains in my abdomen and my back. It was really bad… it felt like I was being stabbed with knives, and my chest got all tight and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The worst thing was my back, because there was nothing I could do about it. I have a pretty good pain tolerance… I’ve had cracked ribs, I’ve been hit by an 18-wheeler and walked away, I’ve been through ten hours of labor and recovered from a C-section, and I can honestly say this is by far the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. It’s horrid. With everything else, I could do something to make it feel better, or it would be a come-and-go pain. For example, when I was in labor, it would hurt for a minute, but then I’d have a couple of minutes to recuperate and prepare myself before the next contraction hit. Or I could change position to ease it a little. With this, there isn’t a damn thing you can do but lie there and cry. For hours. So I saw two doctors for it. One of them told me it was just gas pains, and the other said it was normal to have that after you have a baby. They basically told me the same thing: it’s normal, it happens to everyone, you’re being a baby, get over it. Finally, I badgered one into sending me to the hospital for tests. Lo and behold, I have gallbladder disease (which is what I kept telling both doctors). So I need my gallbladder out. Fucking great. I can’t afford the surgery, and once I can afford it, I’ll have to figure out what to do with Ari, and plus, I’m freaked out. At least when I was having the C-section, I was awake for it and my mom was able to be there about half of the time. Having this, I’m going to be unconscious and alone, which just completely freaks me out. I am so scared of hospitals, it is ridiculous. I actually considered having a home birth, I am so freaked out by them. I don’t know, I guess I’ll suck it up. Or I could go with the diet that wouldn’t allow me to have attacks… no sugar, no fat, no caffeine, nothing spicy, nothing greasy, no cholesterol, no salt… okay, never mind. But fuck, why is this happening to me??? This is only supposed to happen to old people.

Anyway, this is already too long, so I’ll write something else later – I’m trying to get back into the habit of blogging.